Gentleman Friend

‘It doesn’t mean
I don’t love you’
                            I looked at him with my frail eyes.
I felt defeated
               standing before her resolved eyes.
               ‘No. It just means
                               you can’t take it anymore.
    You’re done
                        and I can’t even make you happy.
    It’s too late to pull
                               you back through here, with me, right?’

Running my hand
through his hair, I merely said,
                            ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

The silence locked us in —apart in rooms across each other.
The sunless day
slogged through
and our time together
held the contentment
of a patient walking for the first time.

‘I feel normal with you.
                There was never the need
to make my days grand
                 or wild
                 or different with you.’
He smiled.

I took his gaze

and held it, smoothed it out,
until I realized,            
                                ‘I gave away tricks and cheats,  a long while ago’.

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