On being unable to say goodbye

On a night, any night I should say, the oceans swell and deflate.
I am lying alone in the endlessness of my empty apartment.
Leaves rustle, the big bang happens.
A cherry falls, the mother dies.
In the giant holes left by Absence (walking astray into a canyon),
the tardigrades build mansions of matter,
gardens of particles
as huge as themselves.

My mouth waters and flowers wilt
at the sound of something deep inside, breaking,
breaking from all the weight of angst and desire
I feel only for you,
even when our words fly past each other in mundane conversation.

The world tells me I’m long winded and convoluted,
but the truth is, I am careless and gone
Just like the common days,
ephemeral without memory.
The unruly day
the sight of your eyes looking
right at me,
It may still come,
when I rid myself of this curious pride and warm fear.

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